We can eliminate illiteracy in America now

Nobody can deny it--this is definitely a strong, direct statement of an opinion! That would be true even without the exclamation point at the end. (Since exclamation points SHOUT at the reader, they are used very rarely in college writing, especially in papers that aim to inform or persuade readers. The topic of your paper is also clear: adult illiteracy in America.

Now, however, let's take a look at what this sentence says about the topic. It states that "We" (presumably "we Americans," which is reasonable, although "we" should check the draft to see whether "we" are referred to in this way) "can eliminate adult illiteracy in America now." Eliminating illiteracy is a major part of your draft, the six or seven pages evaluating possible solutions and proposing one you feel would be effective. Yet, there is another major part of your draft leading up to this: six pages analyzing the causes of adult illiteracy. This sentence doesn't mention causes; it doesn't prepare your reader for the first half of your paper. Now, you might argue that a reader would expect a paper about how to eliminate adult illiteracy would naturally address the causes of illiteracy first. Still, ask yourself if it's wise to assume that; it may be safer to include the causes of illiteracy in your thesis statement, so that your reader will know exactly how you intend to approach the topic. That way, your reader will be ready to appreciate your analysis of the causes, instead of becoming confused, distracted, or impatient: "When do we get to the good part--how to eliminate it????!!!!"

One last point--about that word "now" in "We can eliminate adult illiteracy in American now!" It's true that your draft does propose a solution you feel would be effective--but are you promising a miracle? Check your draft again. Do you argue that adult illiteracy can be eliminated now--as in immediately? Is it even necessary to deal with how soon illiteracy can be eliminated, or just that it can be done? For such a tiny word, "now" makes a very big claim; it could be making your thesis statement much larger than what you want to say in your paper. Try returning to the previous page and choosing again.